I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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