If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
