when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
