Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
