Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
