I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
