I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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