I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
