living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
