Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
