dude i'm inner monologue high
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
