she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Randomize
