If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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