I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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