so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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