I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
