at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
