dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
