Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
