i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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