I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
