I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
