The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
