its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
