The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
