So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
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