We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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