It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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