I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
