Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
