lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
