You're my little dorito
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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