and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
