I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
