I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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