So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
