I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
