It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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