Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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