Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Your cock deserves a montage
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
