the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
