just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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