Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
