She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
