my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I love you. Go after that dick
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
