Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
