Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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