I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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