So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
