Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
